A Dispatch from our 50th State

I Just Got Back from a Week in Hawaii; Looks Like I Chose the Right Time To Go

So every spring I take a vacation somewhere warm. I have to go somewhere warm; breaking up the long, cold Minnesota winters can turn anyone a little cabin wacky. Usually we go to the Caribbean somewhere, because its close and cheap. On top of it, there are a bunch of other things going on in my life that made it a perfect time to go, least of which was that my son’s Spring Break from school, which pretty much determined the timing. This year, we went somewhere my wife and I had always wanted to see but never had the opportunity until now; hitting the beaches of Maui. So when I left the 30 degree Minnesota winter, I said hello to the 85 and sunny tropical lifestyle of the mid-Pacific.

And let me tell you, ALOOOOOO—HA! Vacations are relaxing by nature, but I have to tell you NOTHING is as relaxing as Hawaii. The main reason why is something that most of you probably don’t realize; the time change. It’s a full six hour difference from the East coast when most of the news is blowing up, so by the time I’m waking up there, it’s already mid-afternoon in DC. By 6 pm Eastern when most of the news is done and the talking heads just get on in primetime to kvetch about it, I’m on the beach in prime suntan time, drinking mai tais and catching rays. Sure I kept tabs on what was going on, but rarely spent more than two thoughts about anything. I didn’t even watch March Madness because the games were on in the afternoon there, and only realized it while I was drinking a Lahaina Ale with my Mahi Mahi for lunch.

It was bliss.

Seriously, most of you out there should do it, or in the least take a week off from social media where every time I glanced at what was going on, I turned it off in two minutes because I couldn’t stand the atmosphere, poured myself another Pina Colada and just drifted in the surf of Hawaii. Ahhhhh….. the perfect escape. No fucking politics whatsoever. You all need it more than you think. Maybe take in a luau with some roasted pig, some poi and authentic hula dancing/music.

Talking with locals about politics was the greatest political conversations I’ve ever had. You know why? They genuinely don’t care. They know the mainland thinks of them as an afterthought, a bunch of islands whose votes are counted when the elections are no longer even in doubt, and that lean so far one way (towards Dems) that nobody ever thinks about them at all. For as much as it seems like a paradise, that attitude was just the tiny umbrella in my Rum Punch. Ummmm……rum punch. I asked one uber driver what he thought about Trump wanting to takeover Greenland and he responded “Isn’t that what Americans did with Hawaii?” Couldn’t argue it really, but I doubt Nuuk will ever be a vacation hot spot.

Now, I get that Trump is a shitty president by every measure. And I know it seems like the world is coming to an end, or at least many a 401k value. But when one disconnects like I did for a week and then comes back to everyone screaming about how this is the end of democracy as we know it, that we’re on the precipice of WWIII because President Orange Monkey Boy raised tarriffs, well, that’s just a tad hyperbolic. Maybe it’s still the taro ravioli giving me endorphins but as bad as it is, some of y’all have gone from mere pessimists to “MY GOD HOW DO I IMMIGRATE TO CANADA AND MAKE SURE THE US DOESN’T INVADE TORONTO!!!!!” I mean, calm the fuck down, have a banana daquiri and just chill a bit. At least turn the channel from MSNBC and get off social media.

I saw so many posts about what Jonathan V. Last was pushing around last week. Now, the guy is an admitted pessimist, but last week he was downright apocalyptically dark. On one note, he did say Pax Americana is Over, which I actually said 6 weeks ago here. But everything else he wrote last week had the tinge of our nearly 250 democratic experiment being flushed down the toilet. I’m not there yet and neither should any of you. One of the great things about democracy is that it self-corrects often and in proportion to how much it’s needed. That pendulum is swinging back in a very hard way, but because what is happening in Trumplandia is going so fast (he’s only been in office 75 days) and polling takes time for numbers to soak in, we’re just not seeing or feeling it yet. Trust me, Donny-boy has pulled that electoral slingshot about as far back as one can, and he’s even losing Republicans in the meantime.

I saw a lot of people praise Cory Booker’s rambleathon (I can’t call it a filibuster because there was no business on the floor of the Senate at the time, so in practice, he just talked for 25 hours). I won’t really. Part of it is that unlike those that obsess over the news day in day out, I was out enjoying life, snorkeling and watching humpback whales at the time. While MSNBC and CNN were covering it nonstop with updates and little inset videos on the corner monitoring progress, I was enjoying one of the most beautiful sunsets I will ever see. In fact, most voters didn’t watch it either, and genuinely don’t care. Come next week, despite what all the pundits were lauding, nobody will really remember it that much. Don’t believe me? It’s only been 10 days since the whole SignalGate fiasco. That seems like a lifetime ago already, and was yet way more profound and important than anything Booker mentioned. SignalGate was an issue that could sink through to the luddites out there who voted Trump, and yet, it’s pretty much over as a story already.

I will give Booker credit for talking 25 hours straight, something very difficult to do, something I have never done, and something that likely won’t happen again for some time. Will it change anything? No. It’s something people can feel good about, but didn’t change anyone’s mind one iota. Call me back when Democrats start doing things to build back up the party again, particularly among the working class and middle of the country, instead of parliamentary stunts and grandstanding to the already converted. If they want to win, that’s what they’ll have to do. This past weekend’s protests were a nice start, but it’s still preaching to the choir a bit— they have to start bringing in the uninitiated and marginal voters if they are to turn the tide this time.

And finally, let’s get to the real elephant in the room that should be shot and put out of its misery—those tarriffs that popped the economy, gutted everyone’s retirement fund and is causing so much anxiety that investing in Rolaids and Tums seems like the only truly safe bet. I get it. I also knew it was going to happen. How, you may ask? Because Trump SAID he was going to do this. And as stupid and incompetent as it is, and as big an act of self sabotage it could possibly be to a good economy, we KNEW he would do it. This is the natural consequence of electing complete morons and incompetents into positions of power. As much as I absolutely despise Trump and his lackeys, and as hard as I tried to convince everyone under the sun what a horrible choice he is, the fucker still won the election. This is the consequence elections have. Maybe, JUST maybe, it will sink in to those that voted for President numbnuts that he doesn’t know what he is doing and that they’ll hold it against those same Republicans kowtowing to him now going along for the ride. Appealing to those people are how Democrats are going to win the next election, not standing up in an empty room talking for 25 hours straight.¹ Separating sensible Republicans from the MAGA base is how we’ll start to see some sanity return to Washington. Don’t think it will happen? Well, there just happens to be an election in 2028 that pols will be jockeying for positions soon, and MAGA may not be the brand everyone wants that time around.

And I’ll say one more thing about Trump and these tarriffs; Trump’s not an idiot to the point he’s going to stay with what people don’t want. He’s adaptable to the audience. Once it really sinks in that his popularity is cratering, his image is comparable to monkeys flicking poop at each other and he’s an utter joke of a President (all of which was true BEFORE the tarriffs, but I digress), well, he might just find some fake, insignificant reason to ditch the tarriffs altogether, and fire those people who advised him to start them in the first place. Because that’s what he does. Blame someone else, put it all on them, and then cut them loose.

We’ve all been here before. This is not the end of the world, nor democracy, nor America. We’re not in Gilead, nor Oceania nor Thunderdome yet. Everyone just needs to calm the fuck down, take in another mai tai, absorb what is happening, and get ready. Because we still have over 1000 days left of this administration² and NOBODY can be on edge to the extent y’all were for just last week. If you all want to become utterly frazzled to the point a strait jacket looks comfy, continue down the path you’re going on, pop some lithium and shout at the moon for 3 3/4 straight years about everything going toward hell in a handbasket. Or, you can take a deep breath, listen to the sound of nature outside, pour yourself a nice drink, calm the fuck down, and prepare for what comes next.

The pendulum is about to swing back. You need to be rested and ready for when it begins to move.

Mahalo.

PurpleAmerica’s Cultural Corner

Hawaii was great. Small selection of pictures from the trip…

PurpleAmerica’s Obscure Fact of the Day

The Hawaiian archipelago (which is actually bigger than just the main islands, extending all the way out to Midway and Kure Atolls in the western Pacific) was formed by the same hole in the middle of the Pacific plate. As the plate moves, the hole corresponding to it does too, creating the different islands. Today, the active volcano Kilauea is still resting atop that hole, making the big island of Hawaii bigger as it spews more lava.

PurpleAmerica’s Final Word on the Subject

Mahalo. Thank you Hawaii, I genuinely needed it.

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Footnotes and Fun Stuff

1. And as if to make my point about how nobody will really remember, the longest floor speech of the past ten years belongs to….Ted Cruz. Does anyone remember what that speech was about? Didn’t think so.

2. Barring impeachment, which I have to tell you, the worse things get, the faster Republican Reps will distance themselves knowing he won’t ever be on another ballot again.