The RNC Recap: YAWWNNNNNNNNN!
This Week in PurpleAmerica Returns!
I’m a political junkie, I admit it. Big events like debates and conventions are must see events for me usually. I watch the speakers. I take in what issues are propped up and what is mentioned. I pay attention to who get speaker slots and when. What can I say? I’m a nerd.
This year was already shaping up to be two huge snoozefests. Republicans are….well, Republicans. Every four years they tend to re-discover the cure for insomnia and for the four days of the cult to come together and worship the Big Orange One seems more in line for Midsommar than Milwaukee. And the Dems? Let’s just say Biden looking tired and bored is just a keen reflection of the audience for that.
So it was with relative amusement that I couldn’t really watch much of the RNC live this year. I simply had too much going on with work, my son’s baseball and a host of things that hit me these past few weeks. However, I did manage to watch replays of the speeches on CSPAN and online and this is what I can honestly say:
“WHEW!!! THANK GOD I DIDNT WASTE MY TIME WATCHING ALL OF THAT!” Judging by the speeches, I don’t think I’ve heard more lackluster enthusiasm in my life. My eyes are still rolling. And the parade of clowns in this circus was nonstop: Ben Carson, Nancy Mace, King Hillbilly J.D. Vane…er…Vance, and then He Who Should Not Be Named himself. With so much going their way, you’d think there would be some excitement, and…nothing. Not even all the drama of Trump getting shot (in the ear) on Saturday good enliven this valium equivalent charade.
At least the Democrats started stealing some of the attention with the drama on their side, working to replace Biden. But then again, that is a HUGE reason the RNC was such a bore. Every speaker had geared their attacks for months on shivving Joe Biden when they were speaking this week. They had broadsides already in the teleprompters. And now it looks like Joe won’t be the guy, so what were they to do? Talk about issues? HA! People thoroughly HATE the Republican position on issues. Talking about that would be like playing Russian Roulette with Robert De Niro and Christopher Walken in The Deer Hunter.
No, they had to continue with shadow attacks, hollow strawmen and empty rhetoric. Nowhere was that more evident than in J.D. Vance’s V.P. acceptance speech. He looked like the kid at school who just won a participation trophy and then gave a speech about it. It was painful. In fact, every speech this week was painful. Badly delivered. Hokey Nonsense. It was like a neverending clown car leading up to the God Bozo himself. That speech was one of the dumbest I’ve ever heard in Convention history. It was one nonsensical, false statement after another. My eyebrows seemed fixed on a “Huh?” look for most of the night and now I have a terrible headache from it. That’s the first time a Presidential Candidate half near gave me a seizure. I’ve had seizures, they’re not fun but I’d take that over another Trump acceptance speech anyday.
And for Democrats, they could not have asked for anything better than this. The RNC was a complete debacle, and not even Republicans watched it. Pelosi, Schumer, Schiff and others are putting pressure on Biden to drop out and sooner or later critical mass will eventually point him in the direction toward the door. The excitement building up the next few weeks until the DNC in Chicago will only build until then. If the party can unify behind a candidate, likely Kamala Harris but they’re not wanting for options, then you are going to see a very mad, quick rush to the Democrats leading into the home stretch of September.
I’m inclined to say that they couldn’t have planned it better, but I’m not stupid; the Democrats can’t plan anything this intricate and pull it off. Can they?
PurpleAmerica’s People of the Past Week
The Good— Not much good to write about this week… Sorry
The Bad—Well, Pelosi and company putting pressure on Joe to get out doesn’t feel good, but its the right thing to do, which is why I put it here.
The Ugly—The RNC. It was just ALL Ugly.
Have a nominee for us to consider? Send an email to purpleamericanunity@gmail.com!
PurpleAmerica Pop Culture Random Top Five
This week: The Top 5 Likely Super Bowl Teams
That’s right! Preseason Football begins this week! Training camps open for rookies and veterans report on Monday. It’s the best part of the football season since right now, every team genuinely thinks they have a chance. What every good football fan knows though is that only a few REALLY have a chance this year. It takes time to build a quality team. Here are my top 5 guesses for who will be hoisting the Vince Lombardi Trophy come next February.
Baltimore Ravens. I thought Lamar Jackson and crew were the team to beat last year before the playoff loss to our #2 team. They have a championship defense and an offense that can score bigtime. How did they do in the offseason? They only went out and got the biggest thundering back in football. The last time they had a guy like that in Jamal Lewis, he ran for 2000 yards and took them to a Super Bowl.
Kansas City Chiefs. They still have the core in place and despite distractions, still seem to have a pretty solid team. The only thing working against them is that it’s hard to repeat in today’s NFL, and every team is going to be gunning for them harder now that they’ve won two in a row and been to four of the last five.
San Francisco. Like the Ravens, this is a Defensive team that can score at will. Dangerous combination. When McCaffrey is on the field running and sucking up clock, they are almost unbeatable. Brock Purdy is the most underrated player in sports.
Green Bay Packers. I love how the team is switching up the D and how young it is. Its going to be great this year after an improving D last year. Jordan Love is a star in the making and that offense was hard to stop with a bunch of rookies and second year men— imagine what they can do with another year of confidence. The one hole they have is on O-Line, where they were ransacked by free agency. They drafted well and brought in players but it remains to be seen how they will gel.
Detroit Lions. Across Lake Michigan we find the Lions, my favorite team of last year. So much heart. So much energy. This kitty kats have something they haven’t had in over 40 years and that is a real, genuine shot at the title. They play bigger than they are, and they have the fans on their side; the Lions are the only NFC never to have been to a Super Bowl, and they have been so bad for so long, they have to be sentimental favorites.
PurpleAmerica’s Subscriber Mail
When we here at PurpleAmerica Respond to the Teeming Millions (well, we’re still working on that first million)
Oy, where to begin.
I only had two posts this week. One from a friend in Milwaukee I didn’t even write (although I did edit and add a little to it) and one that I did write. I have to be honest, the one I thought would draw the most blowback would be from Milwaukee Mike’s dispatch, since most of the angry feedback I get are from liberals who would say something like “Of course you are at the RNC. You’re an RNC Fascist like the rest of them.” But no. What drew the most subscriber mail this week? Obama as V.P. Ugh. I’m not even going to post the whole messages, because some of them were Loonnnnnggggggg (editors note: if you want me to post your letter, don’t write novels). But there were a LOT of great, even funny moments in some of them. So without further ado:
“What the fuck are you smoking and can you get me some?”
“America will never elect a black man as Vice President.”
“We already have a black Vice President, thank you very much sexist pig.” (Editor’s note: Note that the article talked about what would happen if Kamala was RISEN UP TO BE THE PRESIDENTIAL candidate).
“Purple, you devious sly little shit. That’s genius. It’s almost Rovian or Machiavellian. Unfortunately, no, because we are Democrats and we don’t play those stupid games.”
“What, you don’t think Michelle wants her chance?” (No, I don’t. I think she wants to live the rest of her life outside the limelight and was never very fond of it to begin with).
“Even if you don’t think Obama was a good President, I have no doubts he has the qualifications and abilities to be the Vice President.”
“Why not Hillary?”
“I have to give you credit— putting that “Harris-Obama” bumper sticker on my car would make my neighborhoods’ heads collectively explode.”
“Doesn’t this undermine every argument Democrats have about the Rule of Law? I mean, we’re all up in arms about the Immunity decision because it seemed like it was loopholish; now we’re doing the same? I think not.”
“Seriously, what the fuck are you smoking?”
“Never happen. And I don’t want to even entertain the thought because I’ll only get my hopes up.”
“N-O-P-E”
“What would Milwaukee Mike say about that? He seemed more on an even keel this week than you did here.” (I’ll be sure to mention it to him, or more likely he’s already sent me an email gloating about this and I haven’t read it yet).
“You’re not serious.”
“I do not want to live through Tea Party Hell again, but since MAGA is so much worse, sign me up.”
“Can we bring back Will.I.am too?”
“WTF ARE YOU SMOKING?”
“I’ve heard worse ideas for Vice President, but this one is pretty close to them.”
“Why would a guy who had the top spot want to be #2?”
“Call me ‘Purple Pilled’ after reading that. I’m all onboard.”
“You’ve just exposed yourself as a stupid twenty year old nobody dreaming for their ideal candidate. What a crock of shit.”
“WTF.”
Have a question you want us to answer? Email us at purpleamericanunity@gmail.com
PurpleAmerica’s Historical Note from This Week
On July 14th, 1789, the Bastille, a notorious prison which had held all the political prisoners against the crown, was stormed by an angry mob of people starting off the French Revolution. It’s a huge event in history, in many ways because it reiterated and ran parallel (for awhile, get to that in a minute) to our own Revolution. But a lot of the details need to be brought to attention.
The first is that at the start of the melee, the Bastille was only housing seven prisoners; four forgers, one lunatic, one person who tried to assassinate Louis XV and a nobleman who had fallen out of favor and was accused of murder. Most of the prisoners had been moved to other prisons or released once it was determined something was a-brewing. Ninety seven died trying to get INTO the Bastille, while only one died defending it.
Which brings us to point number 2—the storming was not meant for a just cause like freeing political prisoners, it was to usurp and obtain the very large armory and gunpowder reserves that were housed there, along with securing the cannonade. This was meant as an act of war against the crown to attain spoils to be used against it.
But liberty was in the air and the far left had seen too much! They rebelled against the crown and started the French Revolution! The King and Marie Antoinette lost their heads over it! But don’t be fooled. Leftist zealots can be just as dangerous and authoritarian as the very people they rise up against. The political upheaval led to the rise of a prominent lawyer named Robespierre, who took control. They started making grand sweeping changes like converting to metric time and other enlightened thinking. Those institutions and leaders that worked for the good of society before (but for the King) were all executed, including scientific luminaries like Antoine Lavoisier. In fact, if you demonstrated any dissent towards what was going on, there is very good chance you lost your life over it in a guillotine; this was why it was called “The Reign of Terror.”
So let this be the lesson; always know what you are supporting and why, and don’t be afraid to draw lines when people go too far. It’s so easy to just go along with the crowd until all you know is that you don’t want to rock the boat. This is how authoritarianism thrives. It is also why I honor those every year with the Abdiel Awards (given January 1) to people who stand up and say stop.
PurpleAmerica’s Dad/Uncle/Cheesy Joke of the Week
And with that…
Green Bay in the top 5, huh?
“What the fuck are you smoking and can you get me some?”
Oh, Purple. "... seems more in line for Midsommar than Milwaukee" is a line and a half, bwa ha ha.
Also I love your Super Bowl picks, but I don't know enough about Green Bay to have any expectations of them. I'm hoping the Bills or Dolphins take that spot. But I suspect in January I'll be cheering for the Lions. The People love an underdog!