Rise of the Bond Villains

We Used to Admire Heroes in our Politics; Today the Villains are Running Things

I’ve long held to the theory that when it comes to a lot of franchise films, the difference between a really good one and a really bad one is the villain. The hero is the same in all of them, doing hero stuff, having a chip on their shoulder about why they should always be obligated to do what’s right. Villains on the other hand have a broad spectrum of motives and simply don’t care about what others think. A good villain in a comic book movie could be the difference between whether a film is as good as “The Dark Knight” or as bad as “Batman and Robin.”

Which brings me to Bond villains, which are in a class by themselves. Bond villains encompass a wide array of personalities, motives, areas of expertise, but they all have the same goal: complete and total world domination through their particular sphere of influence. They’re all utterly cheesy, often exotic and not from Western countries, veiled under the guise of class and courtesy to let James Bond, a known spy and MI-6 secret agent with a license to kill into their company. They always show off their uber-wealth, their high maintenance model of a girlfriend or wife (often with a derogatory double entendre of a name), and relish the opportunity to demonstrate their complete control over everybody. They carouse casinos and beach resorts, they often have their own private islands, and they love putting the wealthy and politically connected under their thumb. They even have a hatchet man #2 to do their dirty work.

It’s become such a cliche that an absurdly comic depiction such as Austin Powers’ “Dr. Evil” somehow manages to encapsulate every single Bond Villain, and even make it obvious who his #2 was.¹ It would be wrong to say that there was a “Great Bond Villain” since most all of them are delightfully ridiculous in their own way. Some are better than others, but they all serve a purpose—their aristocratic excess and megalomania requires them to be taken down a peg by that hero of classy, womanizing drunk heroes, 007.

Never in my wildest dreams would I ever believe the world would one day be taken over by Bond Villains. Yet here we are.

My first inclination was a decade ago when Putin had such an iron grip on Russia that he Constitutionally stepped down as President, and still somehow managed to keep the reins of power through his lackey, Dmitri Medvedev. Then when his term was up, Putin took the reins back and Medvedev heeled like Oddjob from Goldfinger who just broke the neck off a statue by throwing his hat. I mean, Putin’s entire lifestyle screamed Bond villain. He rides around horseback without a shirt! He wrestles bears! He out-mobs the mob! He lets his friends use chemical weapons! He invades other countries and responds with an obtuse “who, me?” Putin is the epitome of the modern Bond Villain come to life.

Then came Jeffrey Epstein. The guy was a bond villain flying under the radar. He controlled everything. He had Clinton AND Trump under his thumb. The guy had his own yacht, island, plane, everything. He even had enough blackmail on major figures to get what he wanted. That is until he got caught and it all came crumbling down. Yeah, that is the way it is supposed to work.

But then a strange thing started happening. Other actors wanted in on the job. The most obvious one is Trump who couldn’t even carry Ernst Blofield’s water. Trump generally sees himself as a Bond villain. He loves that aura of power and craves it like a dog drooling at the sight of a bone. He doesn’t have his own island, but he’s got his villain’s lair down in Florida at Mar-a-lago. He’s got his eastern bloc wife half his age, but he doesn’t let that tie him down; he had a pornstar liaison with a name practically made for a Bond film (Stormy Daniels). He also has his hacks who do his dirty work for him. You can almost hear him scream “Dammit, I want sharks with lasers attached to their foreheads!” as he throws ketchup at the wall. More than anyone else in the world, Trump genuinely aspires to be a Bond Villain and seems in a position to possibly get there someday.

Elon Musk on the other hand actually IS the modern Bond Villain. He’s like straight out of central casting for the part. More money than anyone else in the world, he’s got his own private space rocket, his own private space based communication system, his own private social media network, his own private army consisting of twelve different kids through three different women. He can ruin lives with a phone call. Originally from South Africa, he has all the stereotypical elements of a Bond Villain to the nth degree. Everything he does screams “I’m taking over the world and there’s nothing you can do to stop me.” Get in his path and he’ll squash you like a bug. Unlike other Bond villains that need vast organizations and conspiracies to control everything, Musk just does it all right out in the open. Deep down inside he savors the attention and probably enjoys that he’s depicted as a Bond villain.

Jeff Bezos? Zuckerberg? They’re trying their damnedest to be Bond villains but haven’t crossed the threshold yet. They both require an extra level of villainy, a twirl of the mustache so to speak, but they’re itching to be included to the list. At their current pace, they’ll get there eventually. I’d liken them both to any of the unmemorable Timothy Dalton Bond villains, or to Klaus Maria Brandauer in “Never Say Never Again,” which was itself a carbon copy of the previous Sean Connery led Bond film, the much more superior “Thunderball.” They have the panache and the feel of a Bond villain, but compared to the others never really get considered in the same breath as the better ones.

Peter Thiel is another one who is in the running for the part. The thing is though he operates much more in the background, influencing much more visible characters and lackeys to do his bidding for him. He’s got all the pieces of the character in place, except for the charisma and command of the screen.

What amazes me is that it wasn’t always this way. Out economic elite used to aspire to philanthropy and making the world a better place. They built libraries, opera houses, and museums. They spread their wealth across the country. Much of that can still be demonstrated by Warren Buffett and by McKenzie Scott (Bezos’s ex-wife who now very pointedly shows off to him how much she gives away). However, today the upper crust aspires to build monuments to themselves, buy their own private Shangri-Las and bask in the kind of conspicuous consumption that would make Tony Stark seem like a pauper. You can see them slowly tearing the world apart with little in the way to stop them. We used to promote people who had the greater good to positions of power, who understood altruism and had goals to improve our common well-being. Lately, we’ve instead propped up charlatans of self-importance, whose only interest is building a taller monument to themselves.

Where’s James Bond when you need him? It’s enough to drive someone to drink a lot of martinis, shaken—not stirred.

PurpleAmerica’s Recommended Stories

I’m currently reading this book, “How to Take over the World,” by Ryan North. It’s a comedic take on many scientific possibilities disguised in the narrative of someone interested in actually taking over the world, like a Bond villain. It’s great humor and interesting science. Highly recommended.

PurpleAmerica’s Cultural Corner

There have been a lot of great Simpsons episodes, but for my money one of the absolute best was “You Only Move Twice,” where Homer unknowingly goes to work for a Bond villain named Hank Scorpio.

PurpleAmerica’s Obscure Fact of the Day

James Bond came from the mind of former British Intelligence officer, Ian Fleming. The first book he wrote with Bond as the main character was, “Casino Royale.” The result was a publishing success and he continued with other books.

Fleming was a cousin to renowned British actor, Christopher Lee. Lee would get the opportunity to play a Bond villain in the Roger Moore led film, “The Man with The Golden Gun.”

PurpleAmerica’s Final Word on the Subject

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Footnotes and Fun Stuff

1. In the original Austin Powers movie, it was the eponymously named “#2” played by Robert Wagner. In the subsequent Austin Powers movies, it was the awkwardly diminutive duplicate copy version of himself, “Mini-me” played by Verne Troyer.