Signs You May Be an Online Asshole
It's an Epidemic. Many Don't Realize They Have a Problem
We have a global epidemic on our hands. No, it’s not of the kind where we have to wear masks, work remotely and shut everything down like we did with COVID, although it does seem to be somewhat viral.
No, it’s an epidemic of Online Assholism (OA). OA is a contagious condition which tends to escalate, spread and worsen rapidly. We’ve all come across People with OA (PWOA) and are quick to spot them and call them out.1 We all have had people online completely ruin our days and irritate us to no end. But the biggest problem, the one that many of us don’t even realize, is that quite often we perpetuate it, in exactly the same ways, just as much. We have seen the enemy and it is us.
Before we do a deep dive into this, we need to differentiate online assholes (OA) from natural assholes (NA). NAs are just as the name says, they’re naturally assholes. In that sense, their online personas are extensions of their actual persona and there really is no difference. We know who Elon Musk and Donald Trump are. Political extremists are the epitome of NAs, and to that end many talking heads (not just in politics but in sports too) pride themselves in their NA-ness. What we are referring to with OA are not those people; to be an OA in that sense is expected. No, what we are referring to here are otherwise nice, pleasant people who just turn into assholes when they start typing on a keyboard.
I will be the first to confess there have been occassions where I have experienced a bout of OA. To those whom I have been an OA to, I sincerely apologize; it usually begins with someone pushing a button and devolves from there. I do work hard daily to curb my OAishness, but sometimes some people just bring it out in me. I know I am far from the only one but I also know that few ever admit it when they have been so, and the problem is far more pervasive than just a few bad actors. Most don’t recognize when they are being an OA.
But fear not. The more you know about OA, the better you can prevent the spread of it. Below is a list of symptoms that you may have OA.
Symptoms of OA
The main symptom is a need to respond to someone with whom you disagree, in order to point out how wrong they are. More often than not, when seeing people in real life, we tend to ignore these instances and just move on. Yet, online, it feels almost like a necessity to confront these people in the harshest possible way. Why? OA.
A corollary to the above is when we retweet or share posts we disagree with just so we can comment how stupid the post is and how we disagree. This only spreads the virus of OA. Sometimes this is referred to as OA squared since the original post was likely OA, and the retweet/repost was another act of OA.
When you feel the need to criticize someone’s response to a completely subjective question, you are demonstrating OA. If you are on TwitterX and someone posts “What’s your favorite [insert item here]?” and rather than respond to that question you respond to someone else’s ANSWER and criticize it, that’s the definitional response of OA.
If someone posts a personal picture on Instagram, Facebook, whatever and you feel the need to criticize any of it in the negative, that is textbook OA. This includes situations when you are being positive, but sarcastic, or when you are drawing attention to something potentially embarassing.
This gets into another issue, but sarcasm generally doesn’t always translate well online. Not everyone can diffentiate subtext from the literal, and if there are no clues it just comes across as being an OA even though that may not have been the original intent. In most cases, sarcasm will be perceived as OA and you should refrain from using it when possible.
OA thrives on provocation. If you post shit just to be intentionally provocative and drive engagements, you may have a severe case. Elon Musk and a whole host of shitposters on the right have this condition. It’s also prevalent on the left as well, but they tend to think they are combatting the problem more, but are in actuality just spreading it.
If you are obsessive about trying to get the other side of an online debate to “see your side of it,” not only do you perhaps have an online addiction, you are in the midst of a serious OA event. Seek immediate help by closing your computer or other online device, taking a deep breath, and if possible, go outside for some fresh air. Separate yourself from your online persona for a period of time.
OAers have an extremely hard time not having the last word in a discussion. You will think the whole dialog is over and they will post AGAIN. If you feel the need to respond infinitely to posted responses, seek help immediately.
Treating anybody online differently than you would if you were sitting across a table from them is a classic case of OA.
Ways to Combat the Spread of OA
Fear not everyone, OA can be prevented and minimized.2 Here are some simple steps you can take to prevent spreading OA.
Disengage. Don’t look at negative comments to things you post and if you come across one, just delete it or ignore it.
If the person to whom you are commenting is someone you don’t know, treat them as if you did know them and don’t say or do anything you wouldn’t with a friend or family member.
Quite often, OAs are family members. Unfriending and/or deleting their comments works better than trying to engage them in conversation. They’re not interested in conversation.
Make liberal use of the mute and block buttons. If someone comments on something you post that irritates you, feel free to mute them. There’s the Tom Nichols Rule of Blocking too that is helpful; if you know that you will never have a rational discussion with this person ever, block outright.
Likewise, OA thrives with anonymity. Anonymous posters who love to push buttons, and may be bots, post antagonistic material all the time trying to get you to engage with the material. Quite often they go by [name][stringofdigits] When you come across them, block them.
Do not pay attention to engagement analytics, friend counts, likes and the rest. If you post material only for these, you are being an OA by default. Turn off your mobile or computer immediately and step away from it for a few days.
Avoid unsolicited criticism. If someone asks for your favorite [item] feel free to share. If they didn’t, and your only comment is to critique someone elses, stop and rethink your intended actions.
Of course the best way to prevent the spread of OA is just to stay off social media altogether. It’s not very “social” at all and results in more division rather than bringing us together. Instead, go meet your neighbors, head to a local restaurant or bar, read a book, or get into a conversation with a rando at a coffee shop. Reading the comments on the pics from the T-swift concert you posted or from that basketball game you saw can wait. Take a moment. Relax. Enjoy it. Don’t let the need to be on social media ruin it for you.
You’ll find the experience much more fulfilling and you can rest assured you’re doing your part to prevent Online Assholism.
PurpleAmerica’s Recommended Stories
Tying into the “Obscure Fact” today is this piece from Richard Reeves discussing the “Friendship Recesion.” Take 8 minutes out of your day please to watch.
PurpleAmerica’s Obscure Fact of the Day
The rates of depression are skyrocketing; many believe it’s because of the pseudo-relationships we build online replacing the more personal and intimate relationships we have with people in person. Below are a series of news pieces documenting the increases in depression caused by being online especially among teens and young girls in particular.
https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2019/07/12/a-growing-number-of-american-teenagers-particularly-girls-are-facing-depression/
https://etactics.com/blog/social-media-and-mental-health-statistics
https://www.luc.edu/digitalethics/researchinitiatives/essays/archive/2018/theroleofsocialmediainadolescentteendepressionandanxiety/
http://www.munmund.net/pubs/websci_13.pdf
https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10802-020-00715-7
https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/acps.13151
https://this.deakin.edu.au/society/is-social-media-making-us-depressed-and-anxious
https://mitsloan.mit.edu/ideas-made-to-matter/study-social-media-use-linked-to-decline-mental-health
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9103874/
PurpleAmerica Cultural Criticism Corner
Lots of takes on Assholes demonstrate the problem. Here’s Dennis Leary’s take on people who are assholes.
But for my money, Spaceballs hit the mark on what its like to be surrounded by assholes.
Outstanding Tweet
I’m all for one watching Queen and Freddie Mercury anytime. Maybe this guy has a point. Let’s have less online BS and more Radio GaGa.
https://twitter.com/saverio825/status/1658493638219821059?s=20
Footnotes and Parting Thoughts
Let me know what you think of the page. Please share and comment!
Unfortunately, this tends to only spread the virus.
Although it’s unlikely it can ever be cured; some people are just born assholes and they tend to bring out the asshole in everybody.
Love it. I've been having a better social media experience now that I've learned to embrace the block button.