pro-noun (pro’ nown)- a word that can function by itself as a noun phrase and that refers either to the participants in the discourse (e.g., I, you ) or to someone or something mentioned elsewhere in the discourse (e.g., she, it, that ).
One of the greatest things ever written about modern language was an essay titled, “Politics and the English Language”1 by George Orwell. It begins:
"Most people who bother with the matter at all would admit that the English language is in a bad way, but it is generally assumed that we cannot by conscious action do anything about it. Our civilization is decadent and our language – so the argument runs – must inevitably share in the general collapse...Now, it is clear that the decline of a language must ultimately have political and economic causes: it is not due simply to the bad influence of this or that individual writer. But an effect can become a cause, reinforcing the original cause and producing the same effect in an intensified form, and so on indefinitely. A man may take to drink because he feels himself to be a failure, and then fail all the more completely because he drinks. It is rather the same thing that is happening to the English language. It becomes ugly and inaccurate because our thoughts are foolish, but the slovenliness of our language makes it easier for us to have foolish thoughts. The point is that the process is reversible. Modern English, especially written English, is full of bad habits which spread by imitation and which can be avoided if one is willing to take the necessary trouble."
Pronouns used to be very easy to understand. Ask any 4th grader and they can describe or give an example of one pretty readily. It’s generally used as a form of shorthand or indirect reference, to specify a noun without being too direct or descriptive. From a writing standpoint, they makes things easier, less redundant and more concise. Seriously, try writing three paragraphs without using a single pronoun or repeating the same person’s name and you realize how handy they (referring to pronouns) really are.
But language can be tricky sometimes. Endemic in all languages are a certain level of gender differences. In romance languages, there are masculine and feminine variants of words. We see subtle gender cues in how we name kids, often using names with hard consonant sounds for boys, (Mark, Jack, Tom, Kayden, Colton) and softer ones for girls (Heather, Sarah, Sophia, Olivia, Allie). It should be no surprise then that many pronouns are gender based, such as he, his, him, her, hers, she, etc..
However, starting largely in the 1970s but taking a much more accelerated pace in the past 10 years, much effort has been made to remove as much gendered language as possible. There are a number of reasons for this approach and some of it certainly justified. Among many, particularly on the more progressive fringe of politics, they have taken a very active role in grammar and vocabulary policing of language. A well known example of this is the use of the term “latinx” to take the place of the gendered spanish language use of “latino” and “latina.” 2
With the growing social acceptance the past 10-15 years of LGBT persons, some of these gendered pronouns became problematic. To many, they were a particular pain point in how others referenced them, such as the use of the pronoun “she” to marginalize or humiliate a gay male. To others, correcting misappropriated pronouns became tiresome and frustrating. With growing prevalence of transsexual surgeries, which often require a social transition period that can be awkward and hard to endure, the change of pronoun use as a reference marks a particular milestone.
To deal with this issue, many “took ownership” of their pronouns. Transgender and transsexual people began actively asserting a preferred pronoun to help others accurately use verbal depictions they wanted. They began including preferences as part of their online profiles. It became socially more common to hear LGBT persons in conversation introduce themselves with their preferred pronouns early, so as to remove any ambiguity, take away any awkwardness on behalf of the person to which they were talking and prevent the need for correction later.
However, what began with just within this particular group, then became a fad on the progressive left as a whole, including in situations where there was no ambiguity or question as to which pronoun to use. Many businesses began requiring pronoun preferences in their company email signatures. To NOT include it was a undeclared nod to others that you weren’t “really a progressive,” and it became easy for others to brand you as if you wore a red #MAGA hat. Not to mention, as with all things that first take root within a group prevalently on one end of the political spectrum, it became a shorthand for uber-liberal and a point to ridicule on the right.
Pronouns themselves, what were commonly used to be indirect, subtle and not to be spent too much time ever contemplating in conversation, were now a major point of emphasis; it’s like being hit upside the head with a giant dictionary by Noah Webster. Unless you find yourself on the political fringes, I suspect most out there find this whole issue utterly ridiculous and outrageous.
Which pronoun to use used to be very simple. It still is. However, as with all things in life, a small group has to take a simple thing, make a stink about it, and try and complicate it in a way that ends up with nobody liking the end result.3 To help us all out, here is some general guidance in use.
First, when referencing oneself (the first person), the only pronouns really are I, me, my, myself, one, oneself and if one belongs to a group, we, us, our and ourselves. Sure, if you want to flaunt you can also include “this” as in “You want a piece of this!” Likewise, when we talk directly at someone in the conversation (the second person), we can use you, your, yours, and yourself. The great part about these words are that they apply equally whether male of female. No gender issues here. When you look at the definition of pronoun up at the top of the page, this takes care of that first part, “participants in a discourse.”
All the problems occur when we refer to people in the third person. Its when we talk about he/him/his and she/her/hers that people want to dictate how they want to be referred. The first person is no longer referencing themself nor directly adressing the second person. They are indirectly referencing someone else. The choice of what pronoun to use is inherently theirs. You can’t “take ownership” of a pronoun. To think otherwise is just fallacious logic. In fact, we’ve never had the capacity to dictate to others how they describe us, particulary when we’re not a part of the conversation.
Sure, some people can be complete assholes about it. Some people by nature are genuinely mean-spirited. I once had a football coach who referred to a “soft” player as “she” and “her” despite the fact that he was a straight male. He meant for it to be a motivator but it really just came off as being a jerk to everyone within earshot, and everyone recognized it as somewhat cruel. People recongize when others are being imbeciles, and hold them in such disrepute.
But when someone dictates how they are required to be perceived or referred to by others, it comes across as arrogant and belittling. It says to the world, “I have the power to determine how you talk about me,” which of course they don’t, nobody does. Somehow, it takes the pretention away from that jerk speaking in the conversation and gives it to someone outside of it, specifically because that person demands it.
So my advice is just to do away with the “preferred pronuns” in profiles and email signatures altogether and just assume most people are polite, well-intentioned individuals, who’ll use the proper “he/she” reference when used. There really is no need to stress or point this out if the answer is self-evident and is going to be fine in 99% of the cases. On the occassion someone wants to be referred to differently, for whatever particular reason, they can bring it up at that appropriate time and with the people they choose to.
Let’s let this particular language fad just go away.
PurpleAmerica’s Recommended Stories
George Orwell is known mostly for his classic novels, “1984” and “Animal Farm.” Both of these books are excellent books in helping understand how society, political corruption and language interact. In “1984,” the government is constantly re-arranging the language, which it calls “newspeak,” to control the masses.
In 10th grade when I read Animal Farm my teacher also assigned us his “Politics And the English Language,” which really demonstrates in practice the loopholes common in political speech. A link to the essay appears in the endnotes.
If you’ve never read either “1984 or “Animal Farm,” do yourself a favor and go to Amazon.com now to purchase it; you won’t be disappointed. A set of both can be purchased in paperback following the link below.
https://www.amazon.com/1984-Animal-Farm-SET-BOOKS/dp/6059076351/ref=sr_1_5?crid=6HAOO9E6KFBX&keywords=1984&qid=1673822184&sprefix=1984%2Caps%2C125&sr=8-5
“1984” also has a good film version starring John Hurt and Richard Burton. It’s among the best acting work either had ever done. Check out just this scene for instance.
PurpleAmerica’s Obscure Fact of the Day
A list of the most commonly used words in the English language4 shows the most common word is “the.” The most commonly used pronoun is the word, "I" at #10, demonstrating people are as selfish as you think. "He" (#16) is more common than "she" (#30) and "me" (#50). However, ahead of "me" on the list is the pronoun "who" (#46), which leads me to...
PurpleAmerica Cultural Criticism Corner
One of the greatest uses of pronouns is in the classic comedic presentation “Who’s on First” by Abbot and Costello. The whole bit hinges on the distinction between proper nouns and pronouns, which in this case overlap. Watch it here. It’s still hilarious.
Outstanding Tweet
Parting Thoughts
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Orwell, George, “Politics and the English Language,” April, 1946. https://www.orwell.ru/library/essays/politics/english/e_polit/
It should be noted that people to whom the term “latinx” are supposed to reference dislike the term. Polls have consistently found the term with exceptionally low approval among people of latin american heritage.
I personally know two transgender people. Neither specifies pronouns and they think the way progressives have taken up this as a cause makes their lives more difficult by drawing attention to something they don’t want to draw attention to and by alienating people, including some they consider friends.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Most_common_words_in_English