The Trump Whiplash Hustle

To the Left, To the Left, To the Right, To the Right, Now Slide Baby Slide.

Everyone has known for a long time that we have an ignoramus in the White House. It really is unsettling that the strongest person in the free world has the intellect of a toddler who wants to touch the hot stove over and over again, but here we are.

Normally, when we have someone sane as President, they resign themselves to doing good things; the better they do, the better their re-election chances and better results for their party. It’s a pretty basic political concept in a democracy. This goes especially so for economic issues, because nothing convinces a person to vote for someone more than their pocketbook. Now, we have had idiots in the White House before, but we also had very smart people around them, advising and guiding them on what to do and what not to do. So whenever a previous President had the urge to essentially tinker a little too much one way or the other, cooler heads would say “Mr. President, that isn’t a very good idea and would cause bad results,” and the President would leave well enough alone.

Believe it or not, that is how it worked for most of Trump’s first term too. Sure, he had his bouts of stupidity and ridiculousness, but more often then not there were intelligent people around him serving as guardrails, and preventing Trump from his worst impulses. For instance, the military brass in particular were ever conscious of Trump’s buffoonery and didn’t want to incidentally trip into WWIII, so they kept tight controls on what they would and would not do. But now, Trump has put in place bootlickers and yes men (and women) to do his bidding without question. Now, we are seeing the complete uncensored, unhinged, unrestrained Trump, in his full non-glory.

And what does it look like? Quite frankly, like cracking a whip. In order to get a whip to thrust forward, you must first fling it BACKWARD; the further and faster, the greater the crack of the whip sounds when you bring it back up, going from one extreme to the other. But in reality, this is more unintentional than that; it’s the clarion call of someone messing up so thoroughly and completely, and then trying to evade consequence for it; and Donald Trump has made a CAREER out of that.

It’s the same hustles he’s done repeatedly throughout his career amped up to 11.¹ It’s the same bullshit, different day, but in this case he is dealing with the world economy and international security, not B grade steaks, watered down vodka, the USFL and diploma mills. The main hustle, in basic parlance, is an “Error/Backtrack/Scapegoat” hustle, but to Donald Trump it’s standard operating procedure. It follows a very basic formula that plays out like the dumb kid making mistakes in elementary school.

So we’ll phrase it like that:

Step 1: Most kids in this grade are smart, but not “Little Donny.” Oh No, Donny doesn’t like how Neddy Niedermeyer understands Keynesian Economics and got an “A” in class, and Donny is a bit jealous. So he is now making the case that you should do the exact OPPOSITE of what Neddy does. Nobody else in class likes Neddy Niedermeyer either because he ruins the bell curve for them and they all get Cs and Ds, so they are siding with Little Donny on this. They think the teachers and principals should listen to Little Donny too.

Step 2: Oh No—Little Donny made a terrible mistake! Nobody wants to deal with Little Donny anymore and the cost of lunches are going through the roof! Everything would have been so much better if they just stuck with what Neddy Niedermeyer was saying you should do, but now we’re all stuck in this big giant hole! Everyone is getting anxious and panicky and starting to make Little Donny look bad! We can’t have that now…

Step 3: No problem! Donny tells everyone that things are going just great and their plan is working just as anticipated! Everyone was just BEGGING to kiss Donny’s ring and are just cowed by the bravery and magnficance of now BIG Donny. We just need a little time to be patient and the effects will be felt, and it will be bigger and better than every before! In fact, the problems we had before have now passed and it’s nothing but smooth sailing ahead! Take that Niedermeyers of the world! You see what a genius Little/Big Donny is! He deserved an A and Neddy should be the one staying after class in detention!

Step 4. Things are still bad, getting worse, and people are still anxious and jittery. It’s time to admit defeat, but Little Donny can’t do that now! That would make Little Donny look bad! No, instead, faster than you can say “Snidely Whiplash!” Little Donny is going to CLAIM VICTORY! He had single handedly handled the problem that had so confounded everyone forever! WOW! Even though we are still in a WORSE position than when we started, and everything is still in the shitter, this is where Little Donny shines! “I SOLVED THE CRISIS!” he proclaims. “As we have now defeated this TERRIBLE enemy, we can now go back to the way things were before!” as if it were a privilege and not just the right thing that should have been done all along. Little Donny realizes this can’t be the ONLY thing he says, so he throws out some distractions too, like some scapegoats and he redirects attention to stuff that had NOTHING to do with the whole ordeal, but it helps take pressure off of him.

So to summarize, its 1) Fuck up bigly, 2) consequences of that fuck up arise, 3) present the appearance of not fucking up and 4) completely reverse course with your tail between your legs but make people think you’re strong in doing so! Maybe throw in someone to blame or two. Works like clockwork.

And fuck up he has done, time and time again. This same pattern can be seen throughout his political career:

• The Obama Birth Certificate Bullshit

• Withdrawing from TPP

• Withdrawing from NAFTA

• Withdrawing from the Iran Nuclear Deal

• Insinuating about withdrawing from NATO

• Negotiating arms sales to Ukraine and blackmailing Zelensky to manufacture dirt on the Bidens (which led to his 1st Impeachment)

• January 6th Insurrection

• COVID “inject bleach” and use hyrdochloroquine.

• Getting COVID before debate and spreading it

• Stealing classified and top secret materials and moving it around Mar-a-lago

And it goes this way EVERY time.

Donald Trump is a first class fuck up. It’s time Republicans and MAGA give him the credit for that that he deserves.

PurpleAmerica’s Recommended Stories

Seriously, if you still believe Donald Trump knows what he is doing, you’re more oblivious than Boxer in Animal Farm. Boxer was the Horse who did all the hard labor. When Napoleon the Pig told all the other animals they weren’t getting enough done, Boxer would be the first to say “I will work harder,” even though he was toiling away at a pace to an early grave. He worked himself so hard, that Napoleon ended up selling him to a glue factory under the guise of “retirement.”

Come to think of it, Napoleon is the spirit animal to Donald Trump.²

PurpleAmerica’s Obscure Fact of the Day

The “crack” of a whip is actually the sound of the lash breaking the sound barrier. It’s a miniature sonic boom.

PurpleAmerica’s Final Word on the Subject

"The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.”

—The last line from Orwell’s “Animal Farm.” And let’s be frank, Donald Trump is one pig of a man.

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Footnotes and Fun Stuff

1. The phrase “amped to 11” comes from the great documentary “This is Spinal Tap” which I just found out has a sequel coming out in September!

2. And this is a good opportunity for me to recommend the Orwell satire “Animal Farm.” Everyone always quotes and cites “1984,” with its dark dystopia and Big Brother and overt politics. However, Animal Farm to me is the better and more insightful book. 1984 clobbers you over the head over and over again with its points, while Animal Farm kind of kills you with humor, wit and a recognizable story that will make you smirk.